The Discovery of Every Problem's Solution

Ruth: curry and rice for lunch
Ruth: fuck... thats alot of starch, will have to run around my block
Ruth: :D
Richard: :D
Richard: no ways, practice for italy!
Ruth: hahahahhaahha!!
Ruth: just add wine and all will be forgiven?
Richard: yes- the acid nature of wine dissolves the fat
Ruth: amazing discovery
Ruth: and it causes the person to want to have sex.. to tone the body... wine really is the ultimate weight loss tonic
Richard: totally - its like amazing
Ruth: and cheap
Ruth: so the only side effect is bad skin -- so what?
Ruth: totally worth it
Ruth: eventually you wont even notice
Richard: yes, the more you drink...the less you care
Ruth: :D
Ruth: so weight loss, fat burner, and confidence booster... also a great component for better conversation
Richard: GEESH
Richard: its like the answer to all lifes questions!
Richard: no spiritual quests for us, weve found it
Ruth: its true what they say --- the answer really is RIGHT there in front of you
Richard: like frekkin WOW
Ruth: i am going to go and stock up - an investment in a happier me
Richard: me too
Ruth: so what if my teeth go purple and i start smelling bad? there will always be a song in my heart!! LOL
Richard: exactly -- you will be happy
Richard: and if you arent you just add another bottle
Ruth: hahahahahahahaha
Ruth: voila!!!
Ruth: happy or passed out ---- oblivious either way
Ruth: the world would be my cradle

Lunch Dilemma

Ruth: hmmm
Ruth: i think our chef is on crack
Ruth: he has started a new thing where the buffet gets set out, but you have to choose a meal group and only dish those things together
Ruth: right....
Ruth: the groups are ridiculous
Richard: hahahahaha
Richard: what are the groups?
Ruth: an example of one for today:
Ruth: Spaghetti bolognaise, rice, potato, veg
Richard: hahahahah
Richard: thats random
Ruth: i know
Ruth: does he want me to commit carbocide??

The Italian Dream

Ruth: we have to go to rome
Ruth: please... can we
Richard: yes
Richard: as long as we eat loads of pizza
Ruth: hmm.. i can do that
Ruth: agreed
Richard: and ice cream
Ruth: and pasta
Ruth: infused with flavour
Richard: and have loads of sex with as many italians as possible
Ruth: I'M IN
Richard: YAY
Ruth: when do we leave???
Richard: tomorrow? i need to buy condoms
Ruth: i need to stock up on elasticated pants
Richard: and those chubbie granny pants
Ruth:(nod)
Richard: :D
Ruth: will each need two seats coming back
Ruth: hahahahaha
Ruth: and donuts to sit on
Richard: ahahaaaAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Ruth: :D
Richard: or....
Richard: we wont come back
Ruth: ..
Richard: marry italians
Ruth: YAY!
Richard: rich italians
Richard: before we get fat
Ruth: yes
Ruth: and their chefs can make us fat
Richard: excellente
Richard: (im practicing)
Ruth: atraversiamo
Ruth: !!
Richard: wow, thats good
Ruth: now need to watch that movie about 45 more times to get the rest
Richard: LOL
Richard: OR buy those tapes
Richard: chow bella
Ruth: (clap) saltimbocca
Richard: giva me somea spaghetti
Ruth: i needa some vino
Richard: man....were practically italian already
Ruth: only cooler
Richard: thats a given

The Office Crush

Ruth: are you prepared for auditor hottie?
Richard: i am ready
Richard: didnt shave my head
Richard: but got black pants, white shirt and lavender jersey
Ruth: approved
Ruth: so dashing, but still laid back enough to have fun
Richard: yes
Richard: cute
Richard: but ready for a party in my pants
Richard: LOL
Ruth: hahahahahahahaha!!

Bad Hair Day Comparisons

Ruth: CJ is here
Ruth: and i look like fucking shit
Ruth: my hair looks BAD
Ruth: make up has melted off
Ruth: i think i startled him
Richard: eek
Richard: just own it
Richard: is it still surface of the sun hot in cape town?
Ruth: yes
Ruth: so i have shiny face
Ruth: and he looks fucking hot -- looks like he showered and put on a business suit before he got here
Ruth: i could shit
Richard: fucking hate him
Ruth: :S
Ruth: me too
Ruth: not as much as i fucking hate my hair right now
Richard: i feel like a sweaty hippo
Richard: why????
Richard: is it BIG
Ruth: it looks like shit
Ruth: it looks like Chewbacca Shit
Richard: :D
Ruth: hahahahahaha
Ruth: its all tied back.... very badly
Ruth: pieces sticking out everywhere
Richard: well, i need to shave mine, getting side of head tufts
Richard: :D
Ruth: HAHAHAHAHHAHAA
Ruth: side tufts
Ruth: cute man
Richard: not cute
Richard: theyre like mushrooms
Ruth: (rofl)
Richard: hairy mushrooms
Ruth: omg... i am rolling here
Richard: :D
Ruth: my hair looks like shit-coloured candy floss
Ruth: being badly held together with a band
Ruth: and escaping from it
Richard: stylish
Richard: i approve
Ruth: thanks
Ruth: it took no effort at all
Richard: very vivienne westwood
Richard: omg
Richard: i feel gay now

Tapeworm?

Richard: ok i wanna go home now
Ruth: i wanna eat
Richard: ive been nibbling
Ruth::S
Richard: yeah
Ricahrd: im always starving
Ruth: same here
Richard: its cause im pregnant
Ruth: LOL
Richard: or i have worms
Ruth: that could be it
Ruth: tapeworm
Ruth: makes sense
Richard: totally
Ruth: if i had a tapeworm it would be monstrous --- like a tape-a-conda
Richard: hahaahhahahaahah!
Ruth: :D
Richard: gross.... imagine
Richard: eek
Ruth: puke
Ruth: its tail would be hanging out my ass
Richard: grosssssssssss
Richard: yuck
Richard: thats truely disgusting
Ruth: you love me
Richard: i wonder if it could happen
Richard: one day wake up
Richard: tape worm poking out ure ass
Ruth: there goes your sex life
Richard: feel like taking a worm tablet now
Richard: just in case
Ruth: is it gross that i am still hungry?
Richard: oh no
Ruth: despite the asswormaconda story....

Trip Down Memory Lane

Ruth: our walks home were amusing
Richard: it was
Richard: yeah, i remember them...it was fun
Richard: i remember you getting fetched the one day by your mom half way
Richard: and then you left and came back for me
Ruth: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Richard: i think ur mom was worried i'd get abducted
Ruth: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Ruth: i remember you were cross with me one day, and insisted on walking ahead of me
Ruth: and i started overtaking you
Richard: :D
Ruth: and you RAN ahead a few paces
Ruth: so that you could continue turning around and shouting at me
Richard: sounds abt right
Richard: man, were we mature
Ruth: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Richard: ok, we were like 12, totally justified
Richard: in fact i'd probably still do that
Richard: i dont like to lose
Ruth: i did it last week

Today's Technology

Ruth: u sent me two pics
Ruth: and none of them are loading
Richard: what
Richard: its cause your phone is kak
Ruth: |-(
Ruth: it really fucking is
Richard: :D
Ruth: hahahahahah
Richard: my new phone is awesome
Richard: im having a love affair with it
Ruth: i am jealous
Ruth: i am in an abusive relationship with mine
Ruth: the spark has died for sure...

Richard's Future in Mosaicing

Richard: want to start my new life as a mosaic artist
Ruth: how did my cheetah turn out?
Richard: awesome
Richard: waiting for you
Richard: cheetah mug
Richard: with some hair mosaiced into it
Ruth: yay!
Ruth: not pubic hair... :S
Ruth: my mouth has to touch that
Richard: oops
Richard: its real cheetah pubes though?
Richard: 100% cheetah pube... all the rage in europe
Ruth: hmmm... well.... ok... if you say so..

Ruth's Perfect Man

Ruth: i'm not fooling myself into thinking we will have a happy ending
Ruth: and i am definitely not doing the "what if" thing
Ruth: i dont ask him about "us"
Ruth: but he does
Richard: good - the right person is waiting for you
Richard: at the supermarket
Richard: it's Jake Gyllenhal
Ruth: right now?
Ruth: i must go!
Richard: right now
Ruth: goodbye
Richard: GO!
Richard: and
Richard: he is wearing his prince in persia outfit
Ruth: :O
Richard: he knows you like it
Ruth: just for me?
Richard: just for you
Ruth: wow....
Richard: LOL
Ruth: now my vagina is hungry too
Richard: :D
Ruth: hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Richard: LOLOLOL
Richard: we're bad
Ruth: so bad....

Welcome Post

Ruth: hello
Richard: hello there...I is here
Ruth: OMG
Richard: (PARTY)
Ruth: houston, we have lift off!
Richard: ITS A XMAS MIRACLE
Ruth: ama-zing
Richard: do you know - that it has been all these many weeks ANNNNDDDD the problem was the programme was using the wrong password.
Richard: 3 weeks for IT to figure this out
Richard: they get the knobhead award for 2011
Ruth: dumb-shits
Ruth:*shakes head*
Ruth: welcome back!
Richard: thanks,its good to be back
Richard: NOW - on your weekend,update me
Ruth: :D
Ruth: hard core partying....topless hotties...booze, weed, music
Ruth: snogging
Ruth: :)
Richard: what!
Ruth: the usual, really
Richard: Ruth aka charlie sheen
Ruth: :D
Ruth: legendary
Richard: sounds like it- im impressed
Richard: all i did was a dvd night
Richard: no topless
Richard: not snogging
Richard: no booze or weed
Richard: ....I must be Taylor Swift!!