The Zombie Apocalypse Plan A

Richard: He is useless
Richard: Zombie apocolypse, we ditch him
Ruth: HAHAHAHA!! He is the bait, no hard feelings man
Richard: None, some gotta live some got be used to help us get away
Richard: Until we find a castle, not a fucking open farm like in The Walking Dead
Ruth: No, fuck those tents, we want a mote and a massive pantry of preserved food
Richard: Yes -- and land in the middle of the castle for farming
Ruth: See? This is how its done, America
Richard: Yes, fucking retards
Ruth: And no, poor desperate ppl, we are not letting you ALL in, so please dont draw attention by yelling for help outside
Richard: Yes, fuck off. Go find your own place
Richard: And if we take you in, and we dont like you, you get launched.
Ruth: Yes, this is not a metaphor for something... we have a launcher. We will use it
Richard: Hydrogen powered catapault -- just enough to break your legs so the walkers have something else to eat
Ruth: That is far away from the castle so we dont draw them any closer
Richard: AND WE HAVE LOADS OF ARROWS!!

Shamalang Takeover

Ruth: So whats happening tonight?
Richard: its the 4th awakening of the jezuga monkey shamalang monster, set to devour earth and make us king and queen of the universe
Richard: are you ready?
Ruth: I am
Ruth: should i wear my beads?
Richard: yes
Ruth: great, no further questions
Richard: great
Richard: we'll pick you up around 7
Richard: I'll be riding on his back
Ruth: cool -- i'm guessing i wont be able to miss you -- flying monkey and all, but just in case! what will you be wearing?
Richard: yes, and the screaming and stuff
Ruth: path of destruction behind you... of course
Richard: I'll be wearing my orange leg warmers and purple cat suit, with a I LOVE SHAMALANG MONKEYS beanie
Ruth: very appropriate!
Richard: i thought so
Richard: very subtle
Ruth: yes, classy
Richard: youre so kind
Ruth: its easy to be kind when its the truth buddy..... never really any other time
Richard: hahahahaha
Richard: were good at tangents
Ruth: hahahahahahahahaha
Ruth: so i guess..... tv?
Richard: yes

Ode to Salticrax

Little green box... straight from Heaven
I could eat a million and seven
Salti, salti, salti crax!
Cos no Crax are salti enough!

SALTICRAX!!! -- the saltier the crak, the better the snak!

Richard Honest Moment

Richard: ok, I have to say this
Richard: but fuck, there are some ugly people in this world

Whatcha Doin'

Richard: what you been up to
Ruth: work... its awful... i dont recommend it

Public Disapproval

Ruth: I just remembered something

Ruth: remember when we spent the afternoon in Muizenberg and we sat watching the surfers
Ruth:  and we were hosing ourselves laughing at someone
Ruth: to the point where the guy next to us got up and walked away
Ruth: (rofl)

Richard: :D

Richard: yes!
Richard: hahahahahahahaha
Richard: (rofl)

Ruth: can you remember what we were laughing AT?

Ruth: all I remember is that dude moving away
Ruth: and we were embarrassed for like a split second

Richard: no idea

Richard: think it was at ugly people

Ruth: sounds about right

Richard: he just couldn’t keep up with our shizzle

Ruth: :D

Ruth: we must have looked so innocent from afar, with our little ice creams and gleeful chuckles
Ruth: (rofl)

Richard: :D

Richard: shame, he must have thought we were such bitches

Richard: :D

Ruth: oh fuck him

Ruth: hahahahahahahahahahah

Richard: haahahahaaaaahahahahahaha

Richard Takes One for the Team

Ruth:  Oooooh

Ruth: I have been viewed on that website by a super hunk in Durban
Ruth: will you go on a date with him in my place and ask all the questions I have? Be a friend….

Richard: what website??

Richard: hahahaha

Ruth: that friend finder site that I joined yonks ago…. I still get updates when people look at my profile

Richard: oh really

Richard: lol
Richard: lets see the pic

Ruth: I will forward you the mail -- there should be a little pic of him on there

Richard: groovy

Ruth: sent

Ruth: nice body
Ruth: make sure you wear something sexy... but respectable

Richard: so my thong

Richard: and nipple tassles?

Ruth: please!!

Ruth: with high heels
Ruth: and find lots of excuses to bend over
Ruth: ……….basically -- be like me

Richard: cool

Richard: I can do it

Ruth:  yesss
Ruth: you are a true friend

Richard: I totally am

Richard: the best

Ruth: ever

Ruth:  E_V_E_R

Richard: (F) (*)E_V_E_R (*) (F)!!!!!!